Our church attends a national youth camp each summer called NTS. NTS stands for ‘Never the Same’. It’s an amazing experience for teens, where they learn independence because they stay in a university for 5 days, eat dorm food, sometimes shower, learn to share a room with someone else, sometimes change their clothes, get away from their parents and get real with God. The kids come back transformed, prepared for ministry and build a strong bound with their peers. Our kids have been attending NTS for 5+ years.
This past summer Jack comes home from NTS and asks, “Do you believe fear is a liar?”. What a loaded question! Loaded in so many ways. How do you answer this? Ok, put the mom face on. “What do you think?”, I ask. He explains that they heard this song in worship during one of their nights at NTS. At the time, this song was a newer, very popular song that was frequently played at churches. Jack doesn’t like worship time. He doesn’t like when people sing off key, when the band isn’t to his standards, when people get emotional or that they repeat the same words over and over again. For most of his life at our church, Jack would hide in the bathroom, suspiciously during worship time and then ‘reappear’ just before the sermon. On this particular day at NTS, Jack’s youth leader and his sister sat on either side of him so Jack couldn’t disappear. Thus, forcing him to listen to the words.
Here’s some lyrics from the song “Fear Is a Liar” by Zach Williams:
When he told you you’re not good enough
When he told you you’re not right
When he told you you’re not strong enough
To put up a good fight
When he told you you’re not worthy
When he told you you’re not loved
When he told you you’re not beautiful
That you’ll never be enough
Fear, he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
‘Cause fear he is a liar
When he told you were troubled
You’ll forever be alone
When he told you you should run away
You’ll never find a home
When he told you you were dirty
And you should be ashamed
When he told you you could be the one
That grace could never change
Fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
‘Cause fear he is a liar
Jack is a deep thinker. I thought he might get the meaning of this song. But because he is autistic, a teen and just plain trying to ignore God lately…he said I don’t think fear is a liar. In his limited life experiences, that might be true. But we as adults know how many times fear has taken over in your life? How many chances did you pass up? How many times did you avoid saying what you really wanted to say because you were afraid of what others might think? How many times did you think you weren’t enough? I proceeded to tell him I do believe fear is a liar because I know I’ve missed a lot experiences because I’ve let fear stop me in my tracks.
I’ll tell you what my fear is at this moment. Letting my boy grow up and leave the home. There…I’ve said it. The fear of the real world and how Jack will be treated, what job he’ll get, being able to pay his own bills, will he have friends (really good friends), will he have a wife, will he let autism be his crutch and will he truly be happy and filled with true joy?
I don’t know if it’s because his older sister just left for college and I see all the situations she’s come across. Is it because he’s my baby (my last one) and he’ll be leaving soon? He’s a junior in high school you know. Adult choices are getting really real now. Grades really matter. We’ve got college visits planned. He could potentially move a few hours away or on the other side of the country. But I’ve made a decision. I’m not going to be a slave to fear.
I’m thankful that Jack heard this song because I know it has made some type of an impression on him. Since our conversation, I’m more vulnerable to share my own fears with him. He needs to know what adults deal with and its ok. He often gives me advice and tells me everything is going to be alright. And always follows with a, “I love you mom”.
